I remember being extremely ambitious during my M.A. days. No, my ambition was not marks or to be position holder or to be in the eys of profs or hearthrob of college!

in fact, throughout my academic stint i was all this....M.A. changed a lot in its very gradual and subtle way!

my ambition was to get into theatre and seriously work on my writing skills after M.A. and offcourse to support myself i thought of working in some magazine .........so no karcha-pani problem!

well if i look back that was the best i cud have done......that suits me, my lifestyle! something very independent, very satisfactory, very humble and no taam jaam!who the hell cares for branded clothes?

in fact i dreamt of owning a jeep......going to harvard or writing a book or making a movie or getting the nuances of music....tribal, very ethnic, english, other languages.....music!

this is the reason i call myself ambitious! i still hold these dreams and many more!

well getting back to reality my action did not meet my thoughts so what i did was absolutely different! i turned into this crass.........getting highly depressed, anxious, offended and god knows what! trying for hazaar competitons only to be more confused.....confused...confused!

ah...that was bad time.....not because i wasted a year.....but because i traded my sensibilities and confidence for nothing! isnt it self-degrading? oh yes it is! me...crutched on people's emotional support cum dependence freak cum searching for loopholes in everyone cum losing what i m the best at....( hard core honest wd many ppl)

anyways....let bygones be bygones........its pretty late.......going to be 1 o' clock! so no more blogging..... all i hope and wish is that god always gives me enough strength to sustain respectfully......with head held high and chin up no matter what!!:) i have tremendous for monika sans a few things .....the attitude needed to be rectified and so it is!